I LOOKED at Leandro from head to toe. Carmelita’s standards are high after all. She chose well!
“Why is it that we didn’t expect your return?” Maria asked with a smile. They seem close to each other. I remembered how Maria and Josefina would cover up for Carmelita and Leandro.
“I was supposed to go home next year, but I heard of the bad news that …” Leandro looked at me with a tinge of sadness in his eyes. “ … that Carmelita is already getting married.” I swallowed hard.
Maria smiled. Looks like she is a shipper of the Carmelita-Leandro love team. She was about to say something but Natasha joined us. She gave me a look that seemed to say that I should already tell Leandro everything. She asked us to go down to the kitchen. Maybe she got bored waiting for us or probably she just wanted to see with her own eyes that her brother and I had already seen each other.
I couldn’t focus on what we were cooking and I kept on making mistakes because Leandro was at the door and I could feel his eyes on me. It felt like we had someone evaluating us.
“Many thanks for your time,” Maria said to Natasha. It was lunchtime. Maria gave the excuse that there was someone waiting for us at home and that was why we had to take our leave. I knew that she also didn’t want to have lunch with Natasha.
“You’re welcome. Our home is welcome to whoever wants to learn more recipes,” Natasha smiled. What she’s doing is giving me the creeps.
We were about to board our kalesa when Leandro caught up to us. "I’ll escort you, binibini," he said while looking at me.
“There’s no need …” I wasn’t able to finish what I was supposed to say because Maria elbowed me.
“Thank you very much, Señor Leandro. We also wanted to talk to you,” Maria said then asked Leandro to join us in our kalesa. He sat in front of us.
They started chatting. Leandro talked about his training and the places he has been in Cuba. We were not yet too far from their mansion when Maria asked our kalesa driver to halt.
“I’m going ahead, Carmelita. I’ll be the one to ask permission from Mother and Father for you,” I felt my eyes enlarge at what Maria said. We haven’t been in the kalesa for long and we have just passed through the gate of Hacienda Flores.
"Huh? Why am I not coming with you?" I was genuinely confused. Maria smiled at me and gave me a go-girl-you-can-do-it-look.
Leandro immediately understood what Maria was trying to do. I was about to say something but Maria kept on talking and asked one of our servants to stay behind with me. Leandro got off the kalesa. I didn’t want to go down but Maria practically pushed me out. I looked at Leandro who was waiting for me. What choice do I have but go down as well.
“Ginoo, please escort my sister back before sundown,” Maria reminded Leandro. He nodded and slightly bowed his head. I trailed the kalesa with my eyes until it disappeared into the horizon. I couldn’t believe that Maria did this to me.
I glanced at Leandro. We were standing on a road that’s hemmed in on all sides by rice fields. Good thing it was still early, otherwise, it would have been more awkward.
I stepped back when Leandro tried to hold my hand. I immediately placed my hands behind me. I don’t know how clingy and Carmelita are with each other.
“Apologies. I forgot that you are still furious at me,” he said and bowed his head. Confirmed! Carmelita is angry at her ex-boyfriend.
I don’t have the right to be angry at the man speaking in front of me because I don’t even know the reason why I should be angry at him. I’m not Carmelita after all.
“Oh, it’s all right. Please give me time to think things over,” I answered. I didn’t expect the cliched line I need time and space to be effective.
“Are you saying that there’s still hope for you to forgive me?” Leandro asked, a smile creeping into his face. Why do the men of these times love to smile?
“Yes? No? Maybe? I’m not sure,” I hope he stops pestering me. I want to go home.
“I will do everything for you to forgive me, o my sinta. I’m hoping that we can go back to the way things were between us.” I could see the sincerity in his eyes. It was just awkward for me because I wasn’t his ex.
I closed my eyes to calm myself down. Why do I always find myself in stressful situations?
“Do you remember before I left? I gave you something but you refused to accept it,” he looked down again. “But I won’t give up. I will fight for you, Carmelita. I will fight for our love.” My eyes practically popped out of their sockets when he handed me a ring. Is he going to propose?!
I covered my mouth in shock, “May you accept my love. Even if we don’t end up together, this is still for you.” I locked in on the silver ring topped with what seemed like a blue diamond. Is this true?
I bit the ring to find out if it’s real— and it was! It was a real diamond!
For how much will I be able to sell this?
Leandro’s speaking voice brought me back to reality. I forgot that he was with me. The diamond took all of my attention. “Do you remember what I told you before I left?” he asked. I swallowed and shook my head. How would I remember if I wasn’t his lover in the first place?
“I promised that I would come back for you. I understand wholeheartedly if you can’t wait for me. But I didn’t expect that you would agree to be married to someone else.”
“We were in the middle of training when I received Helena’s letter saying that you are to be married to the son of Don Mariano Alfonso. I was deeply hurt. But I regained hope when I received another letter from Helena saying that you didn’t want to be married to Juanito because I was still the one in your heart,” he continued. How awkward!
I remember! I reasoned out to Helena that I still love her brother so she would believe me when I said that I was not interested in taking Juanito away from her. Why didn’t I think that Helena would tell him about that?!
“That’s why I’m willing to fight for our love. I promised myself that I would come back for you. We passed through stormy seas, and I prayed that I would be able to make it home safely to see your face again, Carmelita,” I didn’t realize that my jaw was hanging open as I was listening to him speak.
I sort of felt bad for him. Maybe Carmelita is really mad at him, but I was not Carmelita, and this gives me no reason to be angry at him. Tears started welling up in his eyes. He turned his back on me to wipe the tears away. He probably didn’t want me to see him crying.
I was about to tap him on his shoulders but a kalesa arrived and stopped when it reached us. "Binibining Carmelita? What are you doing here?" Sergio Alfonso asked me and looked at who was with me, "Leandro?"
Leandro saluted Sergio. Sergio got off the kalesa and saluted back at Leandro. Why was it that out of all the people in San Alfonso it should be Juanito’s brother who would see me in the company of Leandro!
I haven’t fully recovered from the shock of seeing the eldest Alfonso brother when the youngest, Angelito, looked out of the kalesa’s window. Uh-oh! Double trouble!
“Uhh … uhhh. Nothing. Leandro just escorted me on my way home.” I blurted out an alibi which didn’t seem to convince Sergio, most especially Angelito!
“My sister invited Binibining Carmelita and Binibining Maria to our home. It just so happened that Binibining Maria had an important appointment and had to leave ahead of time. That was why I took it upon myself to escort Carmelita home,” Leandro explained. He likewise seemed tensed.
Sergio and Angelito looked at me then Leandro, then back to me again. “And you will be walking to Hacienda Montecarlos?” asked Angelito.
Sergio shushed him, “Angelito, it’s not proper for you to join in a conversation with those older than you are.”
“Ahhh … Ehhhh ... You know well that I just came from a sickness and I needed to go out and get some exercise,” I interrupted and started stretching my arms. “Juanito also reminded me of that,” I swallowed out of nervousness. Sergio nodded, while Angelito shook his head.
"Bueno, do you wish to join us?" Sergio asked. The offer made me smile. At least that will get me out of this unpleasant situation. But Leandro spoke first.
“No need, General. One of our kalesa will come and fetch us soon,” Leandro responded. I wanted to ask him if he was really serious that we would be walking all the way home because if that were the case, I will forget about the diamond ring he will be giving me.
“All right then. We shall be taking our leave because we might be late for the ship for Manila,” Sergio gave us a smile as he boarded their kalesa.
“You take care, General,” Leandro bade them goodbye as he and Sergio saluted each other again.
But before they left, Sergio looked out of the kalesa’s window and asked me, “Binibining Carmelita, do you have any message you want me to pass on to Juanito? I will be visiting him in Manila.” I swallowed hard. I wanted to ask him not to tell Juanito about this encounter, but I wouldn’t be able to say that of course.
“Oh, it's nothing. Take care on your trip, Ginoong Sergio,” Sergio nodded, while Angelito still looked unconvinced. That kid can really make you feel guilty.
When they left, Leandro and I were left in the middle of the road. “I think some good news will reach Juanito,” Leandro smiled, making me wonder, maybe this will make Juanito happy for our plan will soon be a success.
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, I was the one who cooked breakfast. This made Father happy. I felt so proud after hearing his praises. Good job, Carmela!
At lunchtime, I was spending time on the balcony just thinking of things when somebody tapped my shoulder. It was Theresita. She handed me a piece of paper.
Can we meet by the church? - Leandro.
My eyes widened in shock when I read what was written. Won't he stop pestering me? I want a peaceful life!
I crumpled the piece of paper. If I meet up with him, he will again ask me a lot of questions and remind me of so many things. I don’t even have a single memory of him. We're total strangers.
I didn't notice that Theresita was still beside me. She looked confused. “Binibini, don't you have any plans to meet up with Señor Leandro?” she asked me worriedly.
“D-Did you read the letter?” I asked her, confused. Theresita smiled. As long as they’re talking about my love life, they’re all so happy.
“Señor Leandro handed me that piece of paper this morning. Don't worry, Binibini, I have long been a witness to your secret love that I’m familiar with your actions.” Theresita smiled and nudged me.
Right! Theresita must know a lot about Leandro and Carmelita. Do I ask her? Should I just reason out that I forgot about everything because I have become forgetful?
Should I just say that I've already moved on so much so that I’ve forgotten everything? Is there such a thing?
I shook my head at my own silliness. It can't be! Nobody should know that I am not the real Carmelita.
I was about to leave when Theresita spoke, “Binibining Carmelita, I understand that you are still angry at Señor Leandro, but I feel that he deeply regrets leaving you behind.” I breathed deeply. Aside from her lengthy pronouncement, I didn't know how to react. I also didn't know what Leandro did for Carmela to be angry at him.
It’s better for me to avoid Leandro. It's hard. I don’t know if he caused Carmelita deep pain. I’m not in the right position to forgive him. I am not Carmelita. I am not the one he loved and hurt.
THAT EVENING, I looked at the moon and the stars while sitting on a hammock outside the house. I miss my playlist. I would have been listening to my favorite tracks now.
I was surprised when Maria suddenly appeared. I didn't hear her coming because of the chirping of crickets. “Why are you still awake?” she asked and sat down beside me on the hammock. It’s only 8 in the evening. Am I really required to go to sleep already?
“Are you having a difficult time sleeping?” she asked me again. I nodded my head.
“Me, too. Maybe this is what happens when we are thinking of so many things,” Maria said calmly. I looked at her and asked, “Why? Do you have a problem?” She sighed and smiled a little.
“Can’t you see my troubles on my face?” she asked me, smiling. “I can't understand myself either. Why am I able to smile despite of my problem. To be honest, I also did not expect that Maria is going through something right now.
“Maybe that's how it really is if we have a problem. We pretend that we're alright so that others wouldn't notice our pain,” I answered. Probably, I’m like that, too. I always pretend that I'm okay even if I’m not.
“It has been almost 10 years that I’ve been carrying this burden,” Maria said while staring at the moon.
“Do you remember what I told you before? You cried and Father thought that we had a misunderstanding,” Maria chuckled. I forced myself to laugh. Why do they love reminiscing? I always don’t know how to react when they do this.
“It looks like you have already forgotten. I was right, you weren’t paying any attention to me because you were so busy reading Leandro’s letter,” Maria smiled. I just laughed because I didn’t know how to respond.
“Okay, I’ll tell the story again, but you have to promise that you’ll now listen more attentively,” Maria said and motioned for me to raise my right hand to swear. I wanted to ask her if she was serious, but she really seemed serious.
“I was 10 years old when I first saw Eduardo. He was 12 and they just arrived here in San Alfonso. His family is from the south, Mang Raul, his father, tagged him along so he could work at the hacienda. One day, Mother got angry at me because Josefina and I had a misunderstanding. Mother asked me to kneel on a *bilao that’s full of monggo seeds outside the house. I swallowed hard, I had no idea that such was the punishment during this time.
“I couldn't stop my tears from falling that day. What I didn't expect was Eduardo approaching me with a piece of cloth to wipe my tears dry while Mother was not looking. That was the first time I didn't obey Mother’s command.” Maria continued to talk while smiling at the memory. I couldn't help but smirk. It looks like I take after her all this time.
“From that day on, Eduardo and I have become closer until he confessed his feelings for me when I turned 14. It took him almost a year to court me secretly. I'm thankful that you and Josefina helped keep our relationship secret until now,” she smiled.
This made me think, “Uh … why don't you tell Father and Mother so that we can already prepare for your wedding?”
Maria sighed, “If only I can do that. I don't think they will agree to it. Eduardo comes from a humble family. His father, Mang Raul, is our butcher, and his mother is gravely ill. Theresita, his sister, is one of our helpers.”
I wrinkled my forehead at this. “What seems to be the problem with that? They lead honorable lives and work honorable jobs,” I answered.
Maria winced, “Honorable, yes, but that's not enough for him to ask for my hand in marriage because our family is …” she didn't continue with what she was about to say. I understood what she was trying to say. A person's social status is a huge deal in this day and age.
“For a long time, I have been worried that they will find out about us and make sure that he will be as far away from me as possible.” Maria looked crestfallen as she bowed her head. “I don't think I can live without Eduardo.”
“I think we can try to talk some sense into Father and Mother. Who knows we might be able to make them agree.” Maria wiped her tears away.
“We don't know what Father is capable of doing. He told me once, everything would fall into pieces, but not our family’s honor and reputation. I worry for Eduardo and his family.” I tapped her shoulder. She is carrying a far heavier burden than I am.
“You are lucky, Carmelita. It's a good thing that Leandro comes from a wealthy family. It would be easier for you to convince Father to allow you to get married to him,” Maria stopped, “Oh yeah, you're supposed to get married to Juanito.” This made her feel bad for me. She thinks that I’m truly madly deeply in love with Leandro.
Maria touched my hand, “Carmelita, my dearest sister. Please listen to what I'm about to say. Do not put the love that you and Leandro have for each other away. Give him a chance to make it up to you. Should you and Juanito succeed with your plan to stop the marriage, he will end up with Helena. May you find it in your heart to give Leandro another chance,” she said and gave me a hug. It makes me happy that at least somebody understands me here. At least I am not alone, Maria is with me.
IT WAS ALREADY MIDNIGHT, but I still couldn’t sleep. I was surprised when Theresita knocked on the door. She was bringing me again a letter from Leandro. Gosh! It's already midnight, why is this guy still pestering me?!
I don't know why, but it was as if somebody was pushing me to read the letter.
I won't give up, my love. I beg you please give me another chance.
“Binibini, I would like to give something to you,” Theresita said. She handed me a small chest. I opened it and to my surprise found it stuffed full of letters from Leandro. It looked like they hadn't been opened yet.
I looked at the dates. Most of them were written six months earlier. Leandro wrote Carmelita so many letters, but why do they remain unread?
“I did not forget your instructions when Señor Leandro left. You asked me to throw all of his letters away, even the ones which are yet to come. Apologies, Binibini, But I did not throw the letters away because I was hoping the day would come when you would be able to think much more clearly and decide to read the letters,” Theresita explained. She looked nervous, worried that I would shout at her. I wouldn't do that of course. I was not angry at her nor with Leandro.
I couldn't author a word. I didn't expect that their love for each other was this serious!
Theresita was about to go out of the room but she turned to look at me, “Binibini, it's not yet too late. Señor Leandro has no plans of giving up. I hope you won't give up too easily, too,” she said while bowing her head. She finally turned to leave and close the door behind her.
Why did it seem that they were all affected by my relationship with Leandro? Oh well, I can't entirely blame them as they had been witness to the love story between Leandro and Carmelita.
Speaking of love stories, Maybe I would know more about Leandro and Carmelita's relationship if I read the letters in this chest. I never liked to read, but I will do so now because I am curious about their love story. It looks like I will be reading the whole night.
January 17, 1891
My dear Carmelita,
How have you been? Have you read the letters which I sent you? Maybe you're still mad at me. I can't blame you. I want you to know that it’s my dream to become a soldier. Aside from the fact that Father wants me to follow in his footsteps, this has always been my dream.”
Do you still remember the first time we met? You were only 8 years old then and I was nine. Father brought us to your house for a get-together. Father just received the honor of being the head captain of the guardia civil of San Alfonso. In the middle of the festivities, I went out of your house and walked to the garden, you were drenched and crying. You fell into the stream because you were running after the ducks. I quickly threw stones at the docks so they would stop bothering you. From that day on, I promised myself that I will be a soldier when I grow up so I can protect those who are oppressed like you that evening.
What the heck?! What's Carmelita oppressed by the ducks that night. I couldn't help but laugh.
February 21, 1891
Dear Carmelita,
I will not stop until you respond to my letters. I want you to know but my heart longs for you. Just because I chose to be a soldier doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore. I hope you understand that it's my dream to be with you for the rest of my life, but our country and our government also need me.
I love you, Carmelita, and that won't ever change.
There were still so many letters that my eyes hurt from reading them. I only have the light from the lamp to help me read. To be honest, I was touched by the principal and efforts of Leandro. Carmelita really loves him, too. Maybe she was just reluctant to forgive him.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, after lunch, Theresita said that we were going somewhere but she didn't say where exactly. She helped me get dressed and brought me to this beautiful place that was quite far from Hacienda Monteclaros.
There were so many flowers around us. Is this the field of roses that Juanito mentioned before?
“Binibini, Just follow the path and you will see what I have in store for you,” Theresita said, gesturing to a paved pathway in the middle of all the flowers. At the end of it is a small house with only a roof and walls.
I was about to ask Theresita something more but he started walking away. It doesn't seem I have something to lose by following her anyway. I don't think someone will ambush me when I get there.
I was walking among the flowers, I could help but smile. I’m not fond of roses but I cannot deny that they are beautiful.
About halfway through, I caught sight of a man wearing a white shirt and a white pair of pants. He had his back on me. I slowed down my pace when I realized that it was Leandro.
He slowly turned to face me, “Thank you for coming,” he said with a smile. He was teary-eyed. I suddenly remembered all of his letters for Carmelita. Their months apart surely made him sad.
"Carmelita, above everything else I would like to apologize for leaving. I hope you could give me a chance to prove my love for you.” He was looking at me straight in the eyes. To be honest I feel bad for him. He must be feeling so bad right now.
I took a deep breath before I started speaking. I knew that I was in no position to forgive him on behalf of Carmelita, but this was also the only way for us to make sure that the wedding won’t push through. So I found myself saying, “Don’t worry. I forgive you.”
He stayed quiet for a while before a smile spread on his face, “You’re not mad at me anymore?” he asked me, surprised. He can't believe what I just said.
“Yes. But you have to promise me that you won't hurt me anymore.” I smiled. I feel that my mission is off to satisfying results. At least, I will be able to give Leandro back to Carmelita.
Dear Diary,
I know that I don't have the right to forgive Leandro because I’m not the woman he loves. But I also don't have the right to keep him from being happy. Maybe Maria is right, I should give Leandro a chance. Even though Juantio can’t reciprocate Carmelita’s love for him, Leandro remains ready to love her faithfully.
Yours concerned,
Carmela