Rebel’s reaction to my decision wasn’t exactly what I expected. Okay, I had no idea what to expect from a man who’s about as closed off as a bank vault. But if the endless night of wild, animalistic sex is any indication of how he was feeling, then I suppose he was pretty damn thrilled with my choice.
That leaves me with the problem of enacting my plan. Admittedly, it’s not very solid or well-thought out. I’ve gotten as far as driving to my destination and scoping it out with a very clichéd set of binoculars done up in green camo I picked up in the sporting goods section of Walmart.
I am sitting in my car down the block from Rebel’s apartment working on a half-baked theory. I have no idea who Florence is outside of the first time I met her at Mirage. To say my knowledge of her is limited is a massive understatement. All I really know about her is that she had some type of relationship with Rebel that may or may not be current, that Ransom knows about her in some capacity, too, and that the last time I saw her was in their apartment.
It’s a Saturday and my only day off. I don’t even know what I am going to do. I have zero plans except to sit here and monitor the building. If Rebel knew what I was doing, I would venture to guess that he wouldn’t be a happy camper. Something tells me that he doesn’t appreciate having his privacy violated. Plus, the latest status of our relationship suggests that each of us has placed a certain amount of trust in one another.
Trust that I am currently destroying with every minute that I continue sitting here.
When I think about it like that, I feel kind of disgusted with myself. Lowering the binoculars, I sigh. What the hell am I doing, spying on my…boyfriend? Lover? It dawns on me that we haven’t exactly labeled whatever it is we have going on here. If this were Ransom I was talking about, there would be no question about it. He already claimed me as his girlfriend when we were still a closely kept secret.
I sigh again. When did my life become so damn complicated?
Oh, right. The night I accepted an invitation to a mysterious man’s hotel room.
I wonder what it might have been like had I never met Rebel. I would have missed out on some great sex, that’s for sure. But I still would have met Ransom. Would not knowing Rebel have changed our paths? Would we have still gotten together? That’s the thing about history. There’s no way of telling how it might have played out had our choices been different. We’re left with making the most out of what we know now.
Still, I don’t think I would change anything. My choices have taken me to some great places. While some of the details could be better, I can’t say I regret anything.
I have Rebel. I have the possibility of more. With him, there are no guarantees, and probably a lot more uncertainties than if I had chosen Ransom, but there something inside of me that tells me Rebel is the real deal. He’s a puzzle, but he’s also a man who goes all in, and I want that. I need that.
So, rather than continue to sit here like a jealous girlfriend, I toss the binoculars into the passenger seat, turn on the ignition, and blend into traffic.
After stopping off for an iced coffee and a greasy cheeseburger, I head for home. I’m nearly there when I realize that I am being followed.
The silver BMW stands out like a sore thumb. It may be a classic looking sedan, but it’s rich and flashy and to me, unmistakable.
As is the driver.
Ransom takes no measures to hide himself from me, pulling up so close to my bumper at the red light that all I can see is his face in my mirror.
Well, then. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. The thought of beds makes me remember how I left him the last time I saw him, and that I’ve been stanchly avoiding him ever since.
I have to give him credit, though. Ransom still holds a key to my apartment. Therefore, he could have abused that privilege and barged in on me anytime to demand answers, but he’s kept his distance.
I guess that time is over now.
Knowing I have to answer to him, I lead us in the opposite direction of my apartment, stripping away any possible temptation and placing us in neutral territory—a nearby playground.
It’s small, open to the street, and there are children everywhere.
Ransom is already walking toward me when I climb out of the car. He’s wearing expensive Oakley’s that hide his eyes completely, making it impossible for me to gauge his mood. Yet, I know he’s got to be pissed. I’d certainly be if I were in his shoes.
“A park, Joe? Really?”
Yep, he’s mad. I start walking toward a weathered picnic bench tucked beneath a maple tree. “Why were you following me?”
“Why were you watching my apartment?” he lobs back.
“Don’t you mean Rebel’s?” I say smartly. “I was performing a little light recon work. How did you know I was there?” I thought I had been careful. Parking my car at the end of the block made it difficult for even me to see the tall building, hence the binoculars.
“I was on my way back from my morning jog and I spotted your car.”
Looking him over now, I realize that he is indeed dressed for exercise. His sleeveless tank and loose shorts are soaked through in places with sweat. It’s information I would have known had I still been going on my daily jogs with him.
“Why the park, Joe?” Ransom asks when I fail to respond.
“I didn’t think it would be a good idea to do this at my apartment.”
“You wanted witnesses? Why? Because you think I might get violent?” He sneers, the idea clearly abhorrent to him. “I’m not that kind of man, Joe, and you’d know that if you gave me half a chance to prove myself.”
Uncomfortable with the inability to see his eyes through the mirrored shades, I cast my gaze toward the jungle gym where a couple of small boys are chasing each other. Someone must have tipped him off about my decision, and there’s only one person I can think of who’d do that. “Rebel?”
“Yeah, he couldn’t wait to tell me,” he snarls. “Why him, Joe? I thought we had something going. After last week, I thought you’d finally made your choice.”
“I did. I chose him.”
“Do you realize how little sense that makes?” he questions, his words laced with venom. “You have sex with me and then you choose him. Do you even know what the hell is going on in that head of yours?”
I glare at him, annoyed by his tone. “Having sex with you is what made me realize what I wanted. You and I? We were never going to happen, Ransom. It’s like Rebel said, I was his first.” The words flow out effortlessly and I realize in a sudden flash of clarity how true they are. Rebel captured me a long time ago.
“So that’s what it comes down to?” Tearing off his glasses, Ransom stares me down. “He had you first so he wins? What about what happened last weekend? Doesn’t seeing him with another woman influence your decision at all?”
“It wasn’t what it looked like. Rebel said—”
“Right,” Ransom says, cutting me off. “Because everything that comes out of Rebel’s mouth is the fucking gospel.”
“Shhhh! There are children here.” I look around, hoping none of them heard. Thankfully, everyone seems to be preoccupied with having fun, completely oblivious to our verbal sparring. “Rebel swears he doesn’t remember anything about that night, and he doesn’t know how she got in the apartment. But he’s going to look into it.”
“You know what’s funny, Joe?” Ransom says with a humorless laugh. “I never pegged you for being so naïve. Did it ever occur to you that she might have a key?”
It had occurred to me, which was why I was scoping out the apartment earlier. I was hoping—or rather, not hoping—that she would show up and I would catch her in the act of using it. Then I planned to take it from her—forcibly if I had to. Of course, this was all assuming she had one in the first place, which Ransom is now confirming she does.
“It doesn’t matter if she does or not,” I tell him, lifting my chin. “Rebel said they’ve been over for months.” I’m trying to be strong here, be reasonable and rational. I don’t want to leap to one conclusion after another. I want to believe Rebel, so I have to think before I act.
“Are you kidding me?” Ransom shakes his head as if he pities me. I clench my jaw, irritated beyond measure. “It doesn’t even matter that he’s been screwing his boss behind your back? That it’s clearly not over between them? You’re just going to stick your head in the sand and pretend that none of it ever happened? Pretend that we never happened.”
“What did you just say?” My blood is roaring in my ears now. I couldn’t have heard him right.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Ransom’s lips curve up in a hateful smirk, making him look so unlike the man I’ve come to know, the one who was above such pettiness. It’s an ugly look on him. I would walk away from him this instant if I didn’t need to hear what he had to say.
“That’s right, Joe. Florence is his boss. She’s the one who sends him out on all those ‘business trips.’ Every now and then, she even tags along. I’m sure you can guess how they spend their time away.”
I’m going to be sick. My mind is racing, backtracking through my conversation with Rebel. How could I have been so blind? So utterly stupid? I asked him flat out about her and he denied having any involvement with her. He behaved as if they had no connection anymore.
But that’s not true, is it? If what Ransom is saying is true, she’s his boss. She oversees everything. Rebel answers to her. Christ, he’s been inside her. So when Rebel said that he hasn’t seen her in weeks, he was lying through his perfectly straight white teeth, wasn’t he? Or is it Ransom who’s lying?
The whole thing is so wildly dysfunctional and beyond comprehension, it leaves me reeling.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my fingers clamping down on the edge of the table so hard they whiten at the tips. I finally made my decision, but what if it was the wrong one?
“It wasn’t my place. You had a choice to make. What would it look like if I swooped in and started filling you in on his backstory?” he asks. “I would have looked like the jealous lover trying to tarnish his brother’s reputation so I could win you over. It would have been the equivalent of me shooting myself in the foot right before the race.” Folding his arms on the table, Ransom leans in, dipping his head so he can look me in the eye. “You needed to figure him out for yourself and make your decision on your own.”
I’m torn between being mad at him and understanding what he’s telling me. Assuming everything he’s said is true, I get why he didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. The recipient almost always ends up getting pissed off at them and runs in the opposite direction, and I know enough about myself to say that I would have been stubborn enough to do just that. But I feel like such a fool now.
Drawing in a steeling breath, I sit up taller. “Why tell me now, then? Why wait? You saw them together that night. You could have told me then.” He could have saved me from this clawing heartache.
“I told you, I thought you’d made your choice. How was I supposed to know hours after climbing into my bed, you’d return to his?” He’s angry again, and I can’t say that I blame him. “You left me hanging for a solid week, Joe. You left me wondering if I did something wrong, if you just needed some time. Then I had to hear from my brother that it wasn’t me you wanted after all?” He shakes his head, and all I want to do is reach out to him. I can’t seem to do anything right lately.
“I didn’t intend to string you along. I just needed some time to sort everything out and make sure I knew what I wanted first. Then I had to figure out what to say and how to say it. I’ve had a lot on my mind this week,” I explain. “If Rebel hadn’t shown up at my apartment, I probably still wouldn’t have said anything to either of you.”
“So what if I had shown up at your apartment?” Ransom challenges. “Was this a first come first serve situation? Did I just miss my window?”
His words feel like a slap in the face. “You don’t have to be so vicious about this. This is hard for me, too.”
“Yeah, only because you just realized that you made a huge fucking mistake.” Standing, Ransom puts his glasses back in place, shutting me out. “You’ve made your decision, and I have to respect it. All I can tell you now is good luck with my brother. You’re going to need it.”
Finalizing his words, he walks away and I find myself staring out across the playground wondering what the hell I’m going to do next. I think I might have chosen wrong, and now everything is a wreck.
Dropping my head into my hands, I close my eyes and retreat into myself, until the sun begins to set and the sounds of children playing grow scarce. Then I pick myself up, dust myself off, and head for home.