Narrating Mason:
After seeing her enter the office and being alone with her, I try to apologize and explain that I fell in love with her, but I couldn't do anything about Peyton's pregnancy. It was something that slipped through my fingers. However, she gets upset and doesn't let me finish talking.
There's no point in insisting anymore. She's completely different from who she was before, and I understand that she had to move on. It's the least she can do.
I decide not to say anything and just continue working, or rather, bringing her up to date on the company. We have already signed the divorce papers; we are now ex-spouses.
I don't know how long we've been here discussing work matters. All I know is that her stomach growled, indicating she was hungry, and I offered to take her out for a meal. It was predictable that she would refuse.
We say our goodbyes because she's going to have lunch with Sarah, and I received a call from Peyton. Paige caught a glimpse of Peyton's name on the screen, and I'm sure that's what made her jump up and leave like a spring.
I answer Peyton's call as I walk to the car.
"Hello, tell me," I say, trying to sound calm and cheerful for her call.
Lately, she has had a terrible temper. Everything affects her, and she cries over everything, feeling down about everything.
"I just wanted to know if you're coming to have lunch with me. I feel very lonely, and I miss you," she says with a sad voice.
I sigh and place a hand on my forehead due to how sensitive she is being.
"Yes, I'm on my way there," I finish saying as I get into the car.
"I'll be waiting for you then. I love you," she says excitedly.
I drive in silence, thinking about my life and whether it will always be like this. I feel bad because I'm living a life I don't want; with a woman I don't love. I did love her, a lot, but I don't feel that love for her anymore. My heart belongs only to Paige.
Upon arriving at the house where Peyton still lives, I get out of the car, and she's waiting for me at the door. She approaches to greet me with a hug and a kiss. I feel ungrateful because many men would love to have a good woman like Peyton waiting for them at home after work, and I don't appreciate this.
"Darling, everything is ready, just arrive and eat. Tell me, how was your day?" she asks as we walk towards the dining room.
"It was good. I don't have to go back in the afternoon. I cleared my schedule to spend time with both of you," I reply, smiling.
"I love the idea. Did you already solve the matter at hand?" she asks, referring to the divorce.
"Yes, everything is settled with that. I think it's best to wait a couple of weeks for the house change. I'll buy new furniture that you can choose online for our bedroom," I comment as I start eating.
"Well, I agree with you. It's just two weeks compared to the years I've been waiting to be your wife. Two weeks is nothing," she responds happily.
Hearing her say that makes me feel even worse about myself and about her. Peyton has been very patient with me throughout the whole situation I've been going through.
"Yes, finally, it's just weeks until we can be together," I say, smiling and kissing her hand.
I spend the evening with her, watching movies that I don't even pay attention to because I'm thinking about Paige and how everything ended with her. That she won't be in my life anymore. Peyton sleeps leaning against me, and I stroke her hair to keep her asleep.
My sex life has become nonexistent since the trip. I haven't touched Peyton, even though she wants to. I don't feel the desire. My body doesn't desire her, and no matter how hard I've tried, I can't. I understand that she has needs, and I have used her relative bed rest as an excuse to avoid having sex.
I wonder if I will ever be happy with the family I'm forming. I think that when my child is born, everything will change. However, what if everything stays the same? Will my life always feel forced like this? I feel like no matter how hard I try; I can't forget Paige. She has deeply entered my heart and won't leave without leaving a huge void in it.
Time passes slowly for me, unfortunately, when I'm with Peyton, and I try to spend as much time as possible with her so that she doesn't feel alone, at least until we are living together. I believe that when that happens, everything will be different. She will feel accompanied because I will be sleeping by her side every night.
I've noticed that she is more insecure, a bit more controlling of me and my movements or outings. She calls and asks where I am when I have to work, just to know how long it will take me to get home. It wasn't like that before, not even when I was living with Paige. I've read online that pregnancy makes women more hormonal in every sense, and it even increases their sexual appetite. I've been praying that it doesn't happen. At least for these months, I have the excuse that the doctor asked her to slowly resume her active life. I didn't ask her, and she didn't ask me if we can have sexual relations.
I hope I'm lucky during the next intimate moment, and that the topic doesn't come up again during that time.
By that point, I don't know what I'm going to do to keep Peyton happy. The truth is, I fear how she will react when she doesn't see my sexual desire towards her.