RIGHT THINGS
I pushed Kristoff away from me. I don’t like it when he is like this. I don’t like him begging me to stay. Because I know that he will be fine without me by his side.
“Stop,” I told him as I panted. “Let’s stop this.” I repeated. “Kristoff, I don’t want this anymore.” I concluded. “Let’s just end this,” I told him while looking in his eyes.
He looked shocked. And hurt. And broken.
And…
I can’t even get myself to look at him anymore. Because if I do, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do what I want to.
I want a divorce. I’m tired. And I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. Should I really leave the person I have loved all my life because of someone who just appeared out of the blue?
Should I leave Kristoff because Bianca needs him?
I don’t even know what’s going on between him and Bianca. But why don’t I want to know it any further?
“Can you repeat what you just said?” Kristoff asked me. His voice is cracking. Anytime soon, I know, he will be crying.
“Let’s stop this, Kristoff. I don’t want this type of relationship anymore. Everyone seems to be against us. Destiny won’t even make us happy,” I replied as tears started to form in my eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Then I took my things and left him behind.
I fought all the urge I have not to look back. I can’t look back. Because I don’t want to see Kristoff breaking down. I don’t want to see him cry.
Or will he?
I walked down the stairs and saw Mom and Dad looking at me. I bowed at them and walked out.
Mom was crying and followed me outside. “Ashanti, you don’t have to do this.” She cried. “You can’t leave me like this, Ashanti. Please stay. Just endure a bit longer.” She begged. She was crying really hard.
I looked at her. “Mom, I just want to stand to what I want now. I want to show them that I am grown up. I can stand on my own without anyone’s help,” I told her. “And I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired.” I added. “But don’t worry, Mom. I’ll contact you every day to tell you I’m fine.” I smiled weakly. “Bye, Mom, take care.” I kissed her forehead, rode my car and left.
I can’t even look at the side mirror because I can’t see my mom breaking down. I know she is already hurt. And now I am hurting her, too.
Am I that bad?
Yes. I am worse than bad. And I just have to accept it and hurt in my own.
I called Genevieve. I need her now more than ever.
“Where are you?” I asked on the phone, sobbing as I pulled over on the highway.
“Home. Why? Is something wrong? Are you crying? What’s wrong with your voice?” She begins to question me.
“Meet me at the café. I need you now,” I told her as I ended the call and drove to the café.
I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel in this kind of situation. It feels like I have messed up the whole deal big time and I can’t handle it that’s why I’m leaving everyone else behind.
Especially Kristoff.
Was this a good idea? Leaving Kristoff alone? Letting him go when all I did was to hold all the while?
Will this be worthwhile?
Does this justify everything that he has done for me? Or am I just being really selfish because I couldn’t handle it anymore?
Bianca. Is she really going through a hard time? No. If she is, why does she still have the time to threaten Hunter about me and Kristoff? She was there. She was manipulating the whole situation.
I know. And I am leaving because I don’t want to be manipulated by her.
And besides, everyone is with her now.
Dad…
Mom…
Kristoff…
Does that even make sense?
Or am I just regressing because I have never had someone who steals everyone’s attention?
I was used to being the only one.
I was used to being the only child.
The one and only.
The only daughter.
The only wife.
But now, she comes and everything is just messed up. Everything is just not right. Everything just can’t seem to fit into where it used to be.
Attention.
Care.
Compassion.
Love.
Everything is misplaced ever since she arrived. Everything just rumbled out of the original places.
And I can’t handle everything anymore. So I had to leave. With me in the circle, everything will just get more complicated.
Someone has to give way.
Someone has to compromise.
And I chose to be that person.
I chose to give way and compromise for everything to be right again.
***
I arrived at the café. Genevieve was already there. She rushed to me once she saw me in the entrance. “Hey, Shan, what happened?” she asked as she led me to the table.
I weakly smiled. “I left. I ended everything,” I replied, my voice is beginning to crack.
Genevieve looked at me with concern in her eyes. “You left Kristoff?” she asked.
I nodded. “I can’t do it anymore,” I said as I wiped the tears in my face. “She is manipulating everything and I don’t know where I would stand. I’m lost and I don’t want to be with Kristoff with all these overwhelming feelings I have.” I ranted.
“So this is about Bianca?” she asked. “What did she do a while ago?” she asked again.
I looked at her. I know I can’t hide it anymore. She knows me too well for me to hide something from her. I told her everything. From the start until to what she had done today.
“I can’t believe your Father would side with her! He had been with you all your years!” Genevieve was fuming right now. “And Kristoff was there to look after her? What for?!” She is mad.
I sighed hard. “I don’t know. I don’t want to know. And I don’t think I will ever know,” I replied. “I left and I have no choice but to move on now.” I added.
She looked at me and nodded. “It’s okay. You have Hunter.” She told me.
I narrowed my eyes on her. “Why does he have to be in this conversation?” I asked.
She smiled. “Well, one, he has liked you since high school or since forever, and two, he likes you until now and he will take care of you.” She beamed.
I chuckled. I know that she is just making me smile. And I love her for that. What would I do without her?
“Do you think I did the right thing?” I asked.
She looked at me. “Why are you asking?” she asked me back.
“Because I am not happy,” I replied.
She smiled at me. “Shan, not all right things will make you happy. What matters most is that you know that you didn’t step on someone else’s heart.” She told me.
I smiled. And realized…
I stepped on Kristoff’s heart. This was wrong.