~ Zoie's POV ~
"Oh wow, this place is nice!" Landon chirped as he walked into Zoie's college apartment. He was smiling as he glanced around the room, noting the marble countertop, the big TV, the cloud couch in the living room, and the big windows with views of the great Palo Alto.
Zoie, on the other hand, felt a pang in her chest as she stepped inside. Every inch of this apartment reminded her of Asher. He used to make breakfast for her in that kitchen, they used to watch car races on the big TV, and they used to watch the sunsets through the big windows, cuddling on the couch.
What is this place now without him? It feels strange. It doesn't feel like home...
"So, which one's my room?" Landon's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
Zoie mindlessly pointed to Asher's door. But when Landon started approaching it, she realized Asher's room had been turned into this makeshift playroom. She quickly raced to his door and stopped Landon from nearing it.
"Actually!" she squealed. "Do you... wanna stay in my room tonight?"
"Um, sure," Landon shrugged.
"It's that one!" Zoie pulled his hand and led him to her bedroom door on the other side of the living room.
"Okay, but I gotta put my things in the other room first-"
"No!" She quickly cut him off. "You can just put them in my room,"
Not giving Landon any other explanation, she pushed her bedroom door open and gestured for him to come inside. Landon looked at her quizzically, but he complied anyway.
"Okay," he laughed, bringing his suitcases into her room.
Zoie was thinking fast. She had to clean up Asher's room ASAP without Landon knowing, which means she had to get him out of there.
"Hey, um, Land..." she trailed. "Do you mind doing some grocery shopping for us? I just realized we don't have anything in the fridge,"
"Sure, we can go now if you want?"
"I'm kinda tired, actually. I barely slept on the plane. Do you mind going on your own? I'll give you a list,"
"Um, I don't know about leaving you here alone..." he said, pausing for a beat before adding, "The bodyguard thing and all,"
"I'm just gonna take a nap, it's totally fine," she said reassuringly. "Asher does it all the time too,"
"Oh," Landon nodded his head. "Okay then,"
"There's a Walmart down the block, you'll know where it is. And I'll text you the shopping list in a few minutes," Zoie was pushing Landon out of her room and directing him to the door. She also put the car key in his hand as she was half-shoving him out the door.
"Okay, okay, I'll see you in a bit-"
"Bye!" Zoie slammed the door quickly, not wasting any more time.
After locking the door, she made her way to Asher's room. Once she flicked the light switch, she was taken back to the many memories that she and Asher shared in there. All those chains, the cuffs, the leather floggers, and everything in between.
Zoie let out a sigh and grabbed a big trash bag. She started putting everything into the trash bag, every little toy, every accessory, everything that reminded her of the playroom or of Asher. Within the next thirty minutes, Asher's room was turned back to a normal bedroom, with boring old white sheets and nothing else.
Not wanting Landon to see any of the playroom stuff, Zoie then brought the bag down to the trash cans outside the apartment building. After hauling the heavy bag across the long hallway, she finally arrived at the trash cans. She put the big black bag into one of the cans and she stopped for a moment before closing the lid shut. Although she couldn't see anything through the black plastic bag, everything that reminded her of Asher was in that bag. It made her heart feel heavy. By doing this, she was really closing the chapter of their time together. Literally.
Never again will I trust someone like this... Never again will my heart be broken like this... Never again...
And with that, she closed the lid shut and walked away.
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"So, this is where Ash usually sleeps, huh?" Landon asked.
Later that night, after dinner and watching The Bachelor on TV, Landon and Zoie retired to her room. Zoie prepared a makeshift bed for Landon on the floor, made up of an air mattress and a big duvet.
"No," she shook her head. "He usually sleeps in the other room. You can start sleeping there tomorrow too. I just don't wanna be alone tonight..."
After successfully cleaning the room, Zoie could've made Landon sleep in Asher's room, but she was still feeling kind of uneasy about it. Besides, she could really use a friend. Being in this house without Ash was really hard. It made her feel all sorts of ways.
"Sure thing," Landon said, making himself comfortable on the air mattress. "I'll stay here as long as you want,"
Landon lay back on the mattress and it made a squeaky noise. Meanwhile, Zoie got up to her bed and lay down too. Her bed was big and comfy, but it felt cold and empty. This was where she and Asher used to cuddle and sleep together. Even the pillow still smelled like him.
"So, are you excited about school tomorrow?" Landon's voice cut through her thoughts again.
Zoie rolled to her side, giving her back to Landon.
"Sure," she muttered flatly.
"I can't wait to meet your friends. From what you told me, Jo and Vic seem great," he said excitedly.
"Yeah..."
"So, I'll just drop you off at ten and pick you up at three?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Cool," he chimed. "Maybe we can hang out and have dinner after? I did a Yelp search and there's, like, five different sushi places I wanna try,"
"Okay..."
Zoie was acting strong, but deep down, she wanted to cry again. She thought she already cried all the tears that she could cry. She thought the quota for tears had run out. But everything seemed triggering to her now. Being in this room without Ash, going to school without him around, and continuing life just like that.
How am I supposed to go on like nothing happened?
"Are you tired?" Landon asked, noting the flatness in her voice. "Should I turn the lights off?"
Zoie didn't respond because her voice would crack, but she nodded her head.
"Okay, well, good night," he said, getting up and turning off the lights.
"Good night," she whispered lowly, hiding the fact that she was gonna cry again.
In the darkness of the room, Zoie buried her face deep into her pillow. Inhaling Asher's familiar scent, she couldn't hold it anymore. She was sobbing soundlessly into that pillow, clutching it tightly for dear life.
"Zee?" Landon said softly after a moment. "Are you crying?"
Zoie didn't want to, but she ended up crying even harder. The sobs were loud and clear. Landon quickly got up and sat next to her on the bed. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, so he pulled her into his arms.
"Baby girl, don't cry," he cooed. "It's okay, I'm here,"
Zoie buried her face into his chest now. At least, this way, she didn't smell Asher's scent anymore.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.
Zoie shook her head no.
"Okay, that's fine too, we don't need to talk about it," he said understandingly.
For the rest of the night, Zoie lay in Landon's arms as he whispered comforting words into her ear. He stroked her hair gently as she clung to his shirt. If it wasn't for him, who knows if she'd even get a wink of sleep?
In between the tears and heartbreak, Landon's soft voice broke through the noise.
"It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Zoie dreamt of Asher that night.
She was standing alone on a big empty road. There was no one around, but she suddenly heard a noise. There was a car fastly approaching her. As the car got closer, Zoie realized it was the black BMW and Asher was in the driver's seat.
When she saw him, Zoie's heart leaped from her chest. She was waving her hands excitedly, motioning for him to stop. Finally, the car got close enough and he skidded to a stop right next to her.
"Ash!" she yelled. "I thought you'd never come!"
Asher didn't say a word. He just looked to the front with eyes as cold as ice. Zoie then went around the car to get to the passenger seat, but before she could reach the door, Asher moved the car forward. Kind of like a teasing game.
Furrowing her brows, Zoie went to the car again, but like before, just as she was about to open the car door, he would move the car forward.
"Ash!" she protested.
Zoie moved closer again and for the third time, he tricked her.
"Asher, stop!" she yelled.
But instead of doing that, the car was slowly moving forward. Zoie started jogging to catch up with it, but the car kept moving faster. Zoie was full-blown sprinting now, but it wasn't enough. The car was too fast.
"Asher, stop!" she yelled. "Come back!"
No matter how hard she yelled and cried, the car kept moving forward. Zoie ran as hard as she could, but after a while, her legs gave out. She fell limply to the ground and the car went further and further away until it disappeared out of sight.
Leaving her bruised, battered, and broken.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What are you looking at?" Landon asked as Zoie was standing in front of Asher's closet.
The next morning, after Zoie woke up from that awful nightmare, she took a cold shower and got ready for school. After having breakfast, she decided to stop by Asher's room again. All traces of the playroom were gone, but there was still Asher's stuff lying around, like his books, clothes, and other things.
"Nothing," she said flatly. "You can move your stuff in here later if you want,"
"Okay," he nodded. "What should I do with Ash's stuff?"
Zoie stared at all his things with cold eyes.
"Just throw it out," she said simply.
"All of it?"
"He doesn't care about 'em anyway," she said as she turned around, heading for the door. "Come on, I'm gonna be late for class,"
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- - - - - - To Be Continued - - - - - -