Patrick
If there was one thing in this world that I was really good at, it was negotiating. Whether it was big business deals for us, getting myself out of precarious arrangements, or even something as simple as buying a house, I could always get the job done faster than anyone else. Which is why I already had the keys in my hands, the paperwork was almost finished, and the movers had already started packing up. Lydia had picked out a home decorator for us, and she promised to have most of the furniture in by the wedding night, with the guest house being her top priority, and the rest would be there by the time we got back from our honeymoon.
Celestyn and her nurse would be staying in the guest house, I would pick them up from the airport and we would have two days together before the actual wedding. She knew we were going away for the honeymoon and didn’t have any issues with it, I promised her that as soon as I got back, we would spend more time together and her nurse would be well compensated. I wished she had flown in sooner, but at least it was something.
Neither Jon or Lydia asked when she would be leaving, they both knew her ticket was open-ended return, and I was certain that Dia had spotted the documents I had been going through to see what exactly I could do to keep Celestyn here if she was willing to stay. That would be a long discussion, everyone would be involved, but I knew that it was important to me and to my grandmother. I think Jon and Lydia could understand that.
However, I had no idea what Jon did, but I knew he did something because at around midnight, Edward left me a voicemail canceling dinner. He didn’t give me a reason and all my calls went straight to the answering machine. Jon swore up and down that it was a normal lunch, nothing had gone on, but I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew him too well. Resentment hit me first, irritation that he would interfere in my professional life for no reason, but seeing Lydia’s obvious relief when she woke up and heard the news made my resentment melt away. She hid it well, I didn’t think she was anything but excited because all she said was that she was looking forward to dinner. Obviously, that wasn’t actually the case.
I wasn’t sure if it was because I just wanted something to fill the sudden free time I had or what, but I realized as soon as I saw her reaction that it was for the best.
Now I just had the day to finish up the last few document for mum’s charity while Jon was out for lunch with Charles, celebrating his job offer. We were officially on wedding crunch time now, only six days out, and we still had more to celebrate. The house closing, Jon’s job, and the three of us making it through another hell of a month. I was just waiting to hear from Celestyn and her nurse, then we could just sit back and enjoy ourselves for the time being.
And while waiting for that call, I was being used as a human body pillow. It was surprisingly easy to use a laptop with one hand while someone took a nap on your lap. I don’t know when Dia decided that she was going to use me as a human body pillow, it just sort of happened, and now I was making the best out of the situation. My laptop was balanced on a pile of actual pillows while I stretched out on the oversized chair, and she was sleeping on my opposite side with her head on my shoulder and her hand on my stomach.
Speak of the devil, I thought as my pocket started to vibrate. Dia squirmed and pushed herself away from me as I tried to dig my phone out. She blinked sleepily at me and went right back to her spot as soon as I hit the call button.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Patrick?” a young woman’s voice asked. “This Jen, Celestyn’s nurse.”
“Oh, hi, Jen, it’s good to hear from you. Is everything ready then?”
“Yes, I just got back from the clinic and the doctor said she’ll be fine to travel—”
She broke off and there was some muffled talking in the background. “Hello? Jen, are you there?”
“Pat, can you hear me?”
It wasn’t the nurse’s voice, it was Celestyn. “Celestyn?”
“Hello, lovely boy!” she cried into the receiver with a laugh. “I’m almost done packing, Jenny has been so helpful. How is your bride?”
I glanced down at her and smiled as I pulled her closer. “She’s good, she’s excited about showing you her dress.”
“Oh, I can’t wait,” Celestyn gushed. “I’m bringing her something for the wedding, but it’s a surprise – don’t go telling her that I said that.”
“I won’t,” I assured her.
“Good. Now, Jenny keeps wanting to check off all these silly things—yes, I know, I’m not senile—” She broke off and I could hear them arguing. I kept my phone on my shoulder while they bickered, just continuing to line edit my documents until she came back. “Sorry, about that, anyway, Jenny wants me to check with you to make sure everything is in place.”
“You can tell her that the driver and I will pick you up from the airport, Lydia will be busy, so you won’t see her until later, but I’ll bring you both to the new house to get settled and then you and I can have dinner. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“You’re sure that having us there won’t bother you?” she pressed. “You can tell me, I would understand.”
“Don’t worry about it, you’ll always be welcome in our home.” Always. Even if my half-siblings didn’t want her around, I did, and I would gladly let her stay as long as she wanted.
My grandmother was thrilled proceeded to rhyme off her entire itinerary to me while I politely listened to every word. All that mattered was that she landed safely and liked her living arrangements, and that her nurse was happy, because I didn’t want either of them to feel stranded here alone.
In a way, it almost made me happy that any offer from Edward was on indefinite hold since it meant that I could spend more time with my family and get closer to my deceased father. That was far more valuable than a job at a second-rate law firm.
My watch beeped, warning me that I had to get to mum’s office to drop off her paperwork. I politely let Celestyn know that I had to go and promised her once again that I would be there to pick them up from the airport. Then I had to get Lydia off my lap.
“Kitten,” I murmured, petting her hair. “You need to get up, sweetheart.”
“No…” she protested mildly. “Stay here, cuddle with me some more.”
“I can’t, I have to go see mum. Do you want to come with me?”
She sighed and looked up at me. “Right now?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Yes, right now.”
“I’m not even dressed.”
“You don’t need to be, just go get your coat. You can wait in the car.”
She sat up and seemed to think it over for a moment. Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. I couldn’t help myself; I leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss while my hand cupped her cheek. She grabbed my shirt to steady herself as I pulled away to see her smiling and watching me with curiosity.
“Are you practicing for the ceremony?” she asked playfully.
I laughed and gave her another kiss. “No, I’m trying not to get worked up again. Now get up, because I have to go even if you don’t want to come.”
“I’ll go,” she said, getting off my lap. “Can we take the Escalade?”
“Whatever you want. Do you want me to go downstairs and get it started?”
“Yes! I’ll meet you down there in five.”
You mean fifteen, I thought with a smirk. She didn’t even notice my smile as she bounced off to probably get dressed while I went down to the parking garage to start the car and warm it up a little. She didn’t end up keeping me waiting for too long before hopping right up into the passenger and insisting that I drive. I was sure that no matter what she said about loving her car, she still preferred to get driven around if she had the chance. We’d truly spoiled her.
The drive up to midtown was short, the roads were better today, and Lydia had her music on for us. We went back and forth about the wedding, she took sadistic enjoyment in telling me all about how beautiful her dress was, how much Jon liked it, and even what sort of lingerie she had picked out. I wasn’t sure who I wanted to paddle harder, her or Jon. I was pretty certain I could do both, the challenge would be to figure out who I wanted to fuck first.
My mind was stuck in the gutter, imagining her bent at the waist with her arms tied behind her back when I pulled into the underground lot. I spotted Nora’s Audi near the door and pulled into the spot next to it.
“Alright, are you staying here?” I asked Lydia while reaching for my suitcase.
“Yeah, I’ll keep the car warm,” she replied.
I chuckled and squeezed her hand before jumping out of the vehicle. “Twenty minutes, I promise.”
She waved to me and I waved back, my stomach fluttered and all I could do was smile like an idiot. I liked getting to go out like it was nothing, I liked that she always came with me, it felt nice.
I took the elevator up to the third floor and stopped by Nora’s office first. She was busy with someone so I decided to come back when I was leaving. Down the hall from hers, in an all glass office that overlooked the volunteers downstairs was mum. She was at her computer with a half-eaten sandwich and her glasses sliding down her nose. I knocked twice and she glanced up before waving me in.
“Sweetheart, how’s your day?” she asked, beaming at me.
I took the seat across from her opened up my briefcase. “It’s been good, how about yours?”
“Fighting with Nora about getting a puppy. Don’t go to her office, she’ll try and use you against me.”
“I already know what side of the fight I’m on and it’s probably not yours.”
“Taking sides against your own mother,” she complained with a sigh. “I didn’t raise you like that.”
“To be fair, you didn’t raise me to not pick sides,” I teased. “But I brought these for you, and I emailed the rest. They shouldn’t bother you again.”
She glanced up and grabbed the papers greedily. “Oh, thank god. I don’t want this to go any further, I don’t want any lawsuits—”
“It won’t go that far, I already sent the C and D.”
She nodded and set the papers aside on her stack of books. When she looked back at me she suddenly seemed confused. “Weren’t you supposed to be busy today? You didn’t need to rush these to me and blow off your plans.”
“Edward canceled our dinner,” I admitted. “So, I think the offer is off the table at this point.”
Her eyebrows shot up and she sat back in her seat. “Did something happen?”
“No, he just left me a voicemail and I haven’t been able to reach him since.” I hadn’t tried that hard, but three declined calls seemed like a pretty clear rejection.
“Oh…” She frowned and glanced at me. “I just saw him earlier and he didn’t mention anything to me.”
I just shrugged. “I don’t know what it was about, I just thought I would let you know.”
“Do you want me to call him?”
“No, it’s fine, really.”
Mum got up from her chair and pushed her glasses back in her hair while lounging against her desk. “So, what are you going to do now?”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know yet, I really don’t.”
“Oh, come on, you have to have some idea.”
“Not really, there’s no other law firm I can think of that would even look twice at me now. I don’t have the reputation or the connections.”
“But you’ve got so many choices!”
“No, I don’t.”
“You could run for congress—"
“I don’t want to do that!” I snapped at her. We weren’t having this argument again, I didn’t want to go into politics.
“Then what do you want?” mum demanded. “You don’t have to sit here and talk about all the things you don’t have, you can go out and take it.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” I asked exasperatedly. “Just go back and demand my position? Bribe them?”
Mum threw down her binder and strode around the desk to me, arms crossed and gaze heated. “I didn’t raise you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like a whiny little boy that needs someone’s permission to do something.”
“I’m not asking for permission! I’m wondering what exactly you want me to do since you seem to think it’s so fucking easy.”
“Watch your mouth,” she snapped. “You are asking for my permission; you want me to tell you to do it so that you’ll feel like you’re doing the right thing. You’re nearly forty, Pat. You should bloody well act like it.” She turned back around briskly and went back to her chair where she sat and pulled her glasses down.
I stared at her for a moment, watching her fingers fly across the keyboard while she squinted at the screen in front of her.
Mum was far from self-made, she came from generations of family wealth, she’d been raised to take over for her father when he became too old. She’d then spent years prepping me for my position at the law firm, to take over her role as soon as I could because she hated it so much. I was young and nervous as hell when I’d met Jon and he promised to make the transition easier for me. She told me it didn’t matter what I did with the company as long as I was happy. And for a long time, I was.
Until I wasn’t.
I don’t know if it was because of the ordeal we went through in the summer or if it was something else that triggered it, but I was starting to feel less…confined. Not having to take an elevator up to Jon’s private floor every day, not hearing people compare our achievements, not having to grit my teeth and feel overlooked was a gift. I could even admit that it made our relationship easier, I felt a lot less threatened by Jon now that we weren’t working together. Buying a house helped too, it was a clean slate for everyone involved.
I still had this anger and resentment about Aleksy’s death and this need to prove myself, but underneath it all, I couldn’t deny that I was happier on some level. I was happier where I was now, but I did want mum to give me guidance, I wanted her to be able to tell me what to do next. I’d never had the freedom to do it myself and I was terrified of making the wrong choice.
I sighed deeply and fiddled with the buttons on my blazer, just as I opened my mouth to say something, mum cut me off.
“Patty, I know this hasn’t been the easiest year,” she began softly. “I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you or anything like that, I just want you to understand that there comes a point where you have to make your own choices and not worry about what I’m going to think about it.”
“I know.”
She leaned back in her chain and turned to me, glasses riding low on her nose and her hair trying to escape from the braid she’s haphazardly tied it into. “Do you remember when we talked about Lydia?”
“Yes.”
“What did I tell you?”
“That you couldn’t make that decision for me, I know—”
She held up her hand to stop me. “No, the other part.”
I rolled my eyes. “What other part?”
“That if you weren’t happy that only you could change that, and no one was expecting you to always make the right choice.” She sat up straight and rested her arm on the desk as she watched me closely, amber eyes laser focused. “You stayed with her when, arguably, the better choice would have been to leave. You made that choice yourself and told us that you loved her, so I know that if you really want something you’re going to go after it. And If you trust yourself enough to propose, why don’t you when it comes to a career?”
I was paralyzed under her gaze and I felt like my stomach had just been ripped open. I was exposed to her and she wasn’t going to let me go until I accepted that. I finally looked away, half expecting to see the floor covered in my innards, but it was just hardwood.
I knew she was right about my decision about my relationships with Lydia, and by extension Jon, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear. I guess any sane man would have run the first time he violated my boundaries, or when she encouraged it. In some sick part of my mind, I knew that if it was any other woman, I would have left. I stayed because it was her and she made me feel seen and cared for despite everything. I stayed because her being with Jon made it easier for me to be with him too. I fought to do something that I’d been extremely uncomfortable with because I loved them, and it was important to me to stay together.
I didn’t fight for the company. I didn’t even really consider the CEO position they offered me. I just didn’t care.
“I do,” I told mum reluctantly. “I just… I just want to know that I’m not disappointing you or Nora.”
She signed and got back up, gesturing for me to meet her halfway. I got up too and as soon as I was within reach, she grabbed me and gave me a firm hug followed by a kiss on the cheek. “You’re not going to disappoint us,” she promised, wiping her lipstick mark off my skin. “Not now that I’m finally getting a grandbaby anyway.”
I groaned and tried to pull away, she just laughed and grabbed my hands, holding me there. “I’m only kidding – well not really, because I expected a baby a lot sooner, but I’m being honest.”
“You don’t care that he isn’t biologically mine?”
“Do you care that Nora isn’t your biological mother?”
“No!” The word came out so harshly that for a moment I almost felt offended. I might not have always called them both ‘mum,’ but Nora was just as much my mother as Lucille was. Nora paid my bail for a stupid drunken night, she’d driven me to my first date, and she was there every day just like mum was.
“Exactly.” Mum grinned. “Now I was thinking I could be called Nana, we’ll save Grandma for Nora or Michelin.”
“How kind of you to give them the old lady’s name,” I said with a laugh.
Mum just smirked and stepped back to adjust my jacket collar, fussing with it until she was satisfied. “I’m never going to be disappointed in you, you’ll always be my baby boy. But it’s time for you to stop asking for someone else’s permission because I didn’t raise you that way, and I know Aleksy wouldn’t have either.” She paused and pressed her hand to my chest, directly over my heart as she smiled up at me, eyes crinkling at the corners. “We’re extremely lucky people; we don’t need to worry about how food is getting on the table tomorrow – take advantage of that. Give yourself the time to enjoy your wedding, this pregnancy, and everything that comes afterward because it’ll be gone before you know it.”
“I know, but with Jon—”
“Jon isn’t you,” she interjected. “You can’t compare yourselves or you’ll never be happy.”
I swallowed and nodded. “I know.”
“I know you know,” she teased. “But you’re not in a competition for Lydia, or for work, or anything else. You’re supposed to be in a relationship, and while I know you haven’t had any real long-term relationships, I didn’t expect you to be this jealous.”
“Can you blame me?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow. “After everything he and I went through, all those years together, and then Lydia… I just don’t want to be the lesser man, so to speak.”
“Ah yes, the lesser man that spends more time at home with his wife and his child, how droll.” Mum rolled her eyes dramatically. “He’s your partner, not your competition. Start treating each other like it.” She gave my cheek a light tap and went back over to her desk just in time for her phone’s alarm to beep angrily. She sighed and turned it off before tucking it in her back pocket. “I have to go to a meeting, you’re free to stay here but we’re not doing this conversation again when I get back.”
“No, it’s fine, I should get going before Lydia comes looking for me.” I paused and hugged her again. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Patty,” she murmured, hugging me back. “Or I suppose I should say thank you for doing my paper work.”
I cringed at my pet name and let her lead me out of her office. She waved to me before joining a small group in the board room down the hall. I lingered for a moment on the catwalk, looking out at the various offices and clusters of people working together.
The environment here was so much different than at B&R, this was more open, more welcoming, less exclusive. The legal work I did here felt meaningful in a way because I was working directly with other people again, affecting their lives. There might even be the opportunity to do some pro bono work for cancer patients that had been unfairly treated.
I wouldn’t be earning much, if anything at all, but it would be something that actually mattered, and in a way, it was the new family business. I glanced back at the boardroom where mum and Nora were both talking with their staff. Everyone looked focused and happy to be there.
Mum might have been right about taking a break and just being with my family for a while, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure that I didn’t have anywhere left that would take me on. Maybe it was just time that I started helping others instead of just myself.