(Day 72/122 of the experiment)
I had a dream – I was standing on stage and declaring something. I was talking about my cat, my husband, yoga, and my favorite ice cream. The hall was full – everyone was sitting with their mouths agape, listening to me. And when I finished my speech, the audience erupted in applause. Someone shouted "bravo!", someone chanted "encore!", and I stood there smiling.
Then I announced a signing session and a huge stream of spectators lined up in a long queue to give me flowers, take photos with me, and get an autograph. Everyone who approached thanked me and wished me nothing but prosperity. The last one in line was Tristan, with a bouquet of 101 roses, and he said: "Darling, you were as amazing as ever! Congratulations on conquering another peak! I love you and I’m proud of you!".
When I opened my eyes, I realized it was just a dream. I still live alone, with a cat, I have an old job that I really don’t want to return to, and regarding my life’s purpose, there’s just a huge question – “what to do?”. But I realized one thing – I would very much like this dream to come true. Both about my performance and the gratitude of people, and the beautiful bouquets, and about Tristan.
I called Lili and Susan and invited the girls over for dinner. I want to consult with them regarding my recent thoughts about work and life. I decided to bake a chicken and make cherry strudel.
The meeting was set for 7:00 PM – Lili would call a taxi right after training and arrive, while Susan would have time to take a shower and rest a bit at home after her trip from New York and would also come by seven.
I spent the whole day running around – first I bought groceries, then I cooked dinner, and after crazy hours in the kitchen, I cleaned the entire house. But the result was worth it. The aroma of chicken spread throughout the house, and even Rich ran over to ask for a piece of meat. And while we ate the main dishes, the strudel was baking in the oven. It turned out so beautiful that I even took a photo of it and posted it on Instagram.
(Day 73/122 of the experiment)
Thanks to the girls, I learned what a real brainstorming session is. In general, my friends are an incredible synergy. Lilia is more calm and thoughtful, while Sveta has her quick and sharp mind. When the three of us get together, we can achieve anything in the world. I think we could even create a time machine if there was a need.
So, with the strength of three minds, we came to the following conclusions – firstly, I can continue writing my blog. It is gradually growing, and I even have orders for advertising now! This will bring me not only pleasure but also income. Secondly, I can hold online or live meetings with my followers, where I will share my experiences and communicate with people. And finally – I can think of and create my own course, where I will share the secrets that help me stay motivated and goal-oriented.
Regarding the first two options, I had no questions. But the course… Am I slowly turning into Iren Cheery? Am I going to deceive people and tell them that their happiness is just a purchase away? No, that's definitely not what I want. I want to sleep peacefully and know that my conscience is clear. The only lie I allowed myself was telling my grandmother at 15 that I smelled like cigarettes because my boyfriend smoked nearby. I can’t bear any more serious lies than that.
To ensure the correctness of my decisions, I announced a live Instagram stream and invited all my followers. Afterwards, I went for a walk to clear my mind, and on my way home, Sofi called me.
-Hello.
-Hello, Sofi! How are you?
-We’re the same as before. But you, I see, have completely changed. You’ve become a star. You give interviews, conduct streams, put ads in your blog.
-Yes, I’m gradually moving forward. – And although I tried not to show it in my voice, my sister’s tone made me very suspicious.
-You must be earning a lot of money if you’re living so well.
-I earn as much as I need. – I don't know where it came from, but instead of the typical position of an offended child that would normally say “I earn this much, and what about it?”, I remembered our session with the psychologist about personal boundaries and responded to my sister quite sternly. I hope she understood that it’s not appropriate to pry into someone else's affairs.
-Oh dear, why have we become so mean? Have we been spoiled by fame or what?
-Sofi, if you called me for a specific reason, then say it. And if it’s just to share your negativity – I have neither the desire nor the time for that.
-I’m calling to say that you could share a bit of your money. After all, we are family, right? And we recently had a car shipped from America, and we will need some funds.
-Sofi, we’re not so close that we ask each other for money. If it were a matter of urgency, I would help. But, sorry, I won’t give you money for a car.
-Well, you are so stingy! Bye!
I think I just stared at my phone screen for another five minutes, unable to comprehend what had just happened. My sister, with whom I communicate quite rarely, called to ask for money for a car repair from America? A sister who regularly goes abroad to the sea, buys herself fur coats, and owns several apartments in New York? I realized that I wouldn't figure it out on my own and called Sveta – not as a friend, but as a practicing psychologist.
Sveta clarified that there are people who simply cannot handle the success of others. Envy, anger, and resentment towards the whole world start to seep out of them. And instead of being motivated by someone else's achievements, they begin to behave toxic. That’s how it is with Sofi. She has always considered me to be worse than herself, then when she was convinced that I was indeed a failure, she decided to lower herself to my level and reconnect. And now that I have taken my life in my own hands, Sofi cannot accept that.
All the work with the psychologist definitely wasn’t in vain. I didn't cry or feel offended at my sister, but I became very curious – why do two relatives, who grew up together, become less close over time than ordinary acquaintances?
Understanding that the topic of family relationships is very important, I decided to dedicate today’s live stream to it. I postponed the conversation about my help and interaction, which would be interesting to people, until tomorrow.
To my great surprise, many viewers of my live stream also have problems communicating with their relatives. One woman has a strained relationship with her mother because when her parents divorced, the girl didn’t stop communicating with her father, and the mother couldn’t accept that. Another girl, who is still very young, has issues with her twin brother. This girl worked from the age of 15 to earn for her university education, while her brother loafed around and couldn’t get into any school. Now, he is blackmailing her to fully provide for him.
To better understand the situation, I asked Sveta for the titles of books that would cover this topic, and I spent the rest of the evening reading.